I Forgot MY Pain

Today while at the grocery store in my electric cart I "forgot" my pain from the car accident that had just happened yesterday. I met a woman. I told her that I loved her style....her shaved head with just a low natural cut, beautiful earrings, bright white tennis shoes, and sweat pants pushed up to her knees. She had a glow about her. I know that feeling to be caught with not your best on but yet you get compliments, it's a good feeling. For the next fifteen minutes...I forgot my pain and that someone was waiting on me to drive me around...she immediately shared with me a story of how she was a breast cancer survivor and that she had lost one breast and then just recently her second breast was cut off, so now both. She was glad to be alive.  https://soundcloud.com/beautifulthought/breast-cancer-tribute-i-shall

I told her about an amazing woman I know named Yahminah McIntosh who is the most inspiring, strong, courageous woman I know. I shared with this stranger some of her testimony to encourage her. She said wow and you think that your own problems are so bad. I told her that i could never endure what Yahminah has...she said YES you could because God gives you what you need when you need it. I received That (but Yahminah is still the strongest woman/person I know). I sit here now realizing that physical pain is so much harder for me to endure then just mental, spiritual, or emotional pain...realizing that the physical affects all three and because of that those other three have to be strengthened even more during my time of physical weakness. So there it is: Transparency of my soon to be Testimony...Some things you just have to go through. The lady said she needed to go to church. I told her that my event is not church, though held inside of a church building...but she still said she would be there Sat. It is possible that I may never see her again....I told her to keep letting her light shine cause it's shining. Today She shined on me and I am thankful. God's love & peace to you ~Beautiful Thought 
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net 

Poetry is ME.

Interview Questions:

What does poetry do for you? What does it mean to you? What made you start poetry? Who are you now because of your life in poetry?

Interview Answers:

Poetry is the source of my creative outlet and stresses and joys and sadness and guilt and desires. Poetry is Me. It is parts of me that many don’t see or would never see. It is confession. It is wisdom. It is release. It is in the way I speak and think. God has used poetry to talk through me, to me, and for me to talk to myself. It has been a healing process for my heart at times and clearing of my mind at others. It has helped me to help others to heal and to see them in me.

I began poetry as a pre-teen probably for a class writing assignment. I remember loving to read poetry when I would come across them in my mother’s book collection. I can remember reading poetry that was above me that I could not yet understand but yet I could feel. I was always at a high reading level for my age and so I read poetry the same way. I do remember the whimsical collections of Shel Silverstein when I was younger and the graphic writings of Edgar Allen Poe that came alive in middle school. However, poetry was and is not the only teacher of poetry. I had my first poem chosen for a middle school anthology in the 7^th grade and it gave me so much confidence in my writing. However, the love had already developed. Yet, it was not until 2010 that I discovered spoken word poetry right in the city of Detroit.

Poetry allowed me to express life and death, which I truly learned to understand how much power, is in my tongue. Poetry became my confessional and my best friend. I told poetry some things first before I told anyone else. Through poetry and the allowing the love of God to engulf me I became free. I am free now in my hair style choices and my dress. I teach my child to express himself creatively but with respect. I think all of those above things became even more so as a result of me learning to be real through poetry. I began to “erase lines” that used to exist between me and others and began building bridges. I no longer had a line to “walk on” trying to be a people pleaser. I no longer was scared to cross “the line” that people drew with their expectations. Through God using poetry to help me grow and bloom, I discovered me. I am now ME.

Since I discovered me, I now am able to help others do the same. I encourage others to also be free. I continue to share of myself often transparently so others can break the shackles of their own silence. We all should see each other in each other and know we are not alone and that there are many common themes that connect us. I see the beauty and positivity in so many things and want to express it so others can get a glimpse of what I see. Through my poetry stage I give others the freedom to be themselves and who God created them to be without judgment. Poetry will always be a part of me, the part of me I give to others. Poetry....is my muse.

God's love & peace to you ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net

Think It Not Strange

I have been shaken, beaten, and now pressed... and I am not talking about a martini or an olive. ME! I have not been wanting to sleep as much and as I know Stephen Sparrow and Yahminah McIntosh can attest > God is working on my spirit. I have so much I need to Say and Do.... I feel like the life I had before is gone. Even though I believe some of it is simply on hold, I will not return the same. While I was working full-time I was so distracted and tired by the end of today. IT was blocking God's plans for me, my life, and my ministry. I am thankful that God can take an injury and use the "need" for pain to His glory. I am listening to Los Santonio's music > http://lossantonio.wix.com/los-blue/home#!__home/santonio-music < and feeling the powerful spirit of his anointing.

It's almost 4 am and I have no need for sleep right now. I promise....if it is the Lord's will....I will be releasing a cd this year and a chap book. It's time! I am ready. God continues to prepare me for the true extent of this calling He has set before me and I have begun to walk more boldly in it. I pray I can mold and teach my son what he needs properly and set the proper foundation as he prepares for his own calling.

I Thank God for blessings great and small. Just as no mess is too big for God to bless, no blessing is too little for me to say I am blessed. I am again able to pay my rent on time this month. However, when I first wrote this blog earlier in the week THAT was not true, But GOD! I will always be grateful for my current circumstances. When you are no longer able to take for granted the typical things you begin to look outward with much more gratitude then before. You begin to discern clearly the hearts and priorities of those who are around you. As givers and lovers we often give and give without reservation and expected reciprocity. However, we in turn forget that not everyone has that same spirit. It is at times hard for the giver to understand why others are not giving back to them, or anyone for that matter. Just to be clear, it is the gift not the mindset that is difficult to fathom. When we give without expecting reciprocity we can not in any circumstance, even in frustration or out of need, expect it back. We made a decision to give without return and it is only God that will reward us when He sees fit. Be encouraged because God always sees you, your struggles, and your giving and sowing.

Your sowing will reap its own rewards. In the meantime, we must do as God called and that is learn Agape, unconditionally. As you go through trials and struggles remember that, and this: "I think it not strange the trouble I've seen. I think it not strange the issues life brings. I know my savior redeems." May it encourage you to persevere until He delivers you. 8.01.12
God's love & peace to you ~Beautiful Thought www.mybeautifulthoughts.com

Stop Taking It: Bags Should Be On Planes!

I'm having one of those days....but I will not let my negativity spill onto others like I at times so easily absorb others. I am learning to remove myself from people who taint my spirit; but the problem is you are not always given enough warning that it is coming. Now it's easy for You to say don't let others upset you but how easy is it for You to Do??
Today is one of those days...sometimes the pressures of the world compounded by one or two nasty remarks with attitude is all it takes to stomp you down lower then normal. So I have learned to just take time resetting my spirit in order to change the color of it. People often think experiences are one isolated situation after another...in reality they layer and are interconnected. I pray God can heal and peel your layers and mine so the ugly ones get removed. I want scars that heal to reveal new skin...not keloids.
I thank God for wisdom but I also want Him to continue finishing the work in me He started so I can be free...unbound, unbothered, unhindered, and unihibited to tell folks about themselves in love and release them. I do not want to hold my negative feelings in my stomach. Lord release us all of carry the issues of other people that we make ours simply because they offered it to us. Help us to realize that what we carry, or take, is our own choice and we can simply just refuse "to take their mess." I rebuke this even now as I am sitting and typing, and for goodness sakes if you are wrong apologize not rationalize. Now drop the bags and everyone say it with me and smile... Amen!!! 7.23.12
God's peace and love to you. ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net
(photo- www.DSHphotography.com)

Love Poetry: My MUSE

Myself, Beautiful Thought, am pictured with the bride after performing a poetry collaboration with Stephen Sparrow, for her wedding ceremony. I matched perfectly though I did not know prior what the wedding colors were. The groom, Byron, connected with me on Facebook after seeing me perform my 1st poetry feature at Artist Village in 2010 (His quote- "I truly enjoyed your inspiring...thought provoking... powerful words last night...may God keep using you as one of His sharpest tools. ~B. Smooth). Byron has been following my poetic growth since Fall 2010; who knew he would ask me to perform at his wedding one day.

I was looking for a muse to pen my wedding day poetry but I never "found" any exactly. All the words I said were a combination of words I wrote at different points in my growth over the last two years. No one knew, not even Sparrow at first, that it was not a brand new piece. I realize now that I Am Love and what is symbolic is that all the inspiration I needed was already within me. <3 Don't give up on true love.

This wedding did inspire me, not so much during the ceremony because I was a part of it, but as I view the pictures. The pictures are of course beautiful but to look back in time on this couple two years ago no one knew for certain they would be married. The pictures are prophetic to me in the sense that we never known God's plans for us but through patience and perseverance He will show us what He has for us. Hold Out my single people... for your own Ruth and Boaz... one day you will call them by their "real"name... when you exchange wedding vows. ;-) I TOO will wait.
God's love & peace to you ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net

(photo by www.IdoDSH.com)

Transparency: A Kept & R.I.C.H. Woman

I have been out of work since April of this year, and up until a couple days ago, my income ended with the last several hrs of vacation pay the end of April. It was discovered in June that I had a few hrs of vacation pay left and also some coworkers donated some hrs of their vacation to me. I just received it July 5.
This is not a cry, this is not for sympathy, this is my testimony. God has not seen me begging or without food. As a Dept of Human Services worker I am now on the other side of the bullet-proof glass. Even my status as a worker could not speed up the process of approving my food benefits. I had to go through and wait...persevere and increase my faith until God allowed relief. All the while strengthening my resolve to be a powerful and living witness.

My rent was paid this month because the money came Right on time, the very same day it would have been considered late.  But God!!!  That is to say my particular situation is "such and such", But God made a way out. He put on the heart of two of co-workers that I do not even stay in contact with to bless me with something they didn't truly need, extra vacation time. I plan to let them know how God used them. I think we often under estimate our impact in other people's lives.

My friends...Put God first...He promised our basic needs would always be taken care of...It's in His word. He has also proven it to me in my life and on more then one occasion. Be encouraged. Make Every decision in faith and wisdom putting God first in your decisions. Anything He wants and resources He has are greater then we could ever do or obtain on our own. I promise!

Have faith, God wants you to prosper but He did Not promise material riches untold, that doesn't mean you are not blessed....He promised spiritual riches and for our Needs to be taken care of. Every Christian will not be rich. Prosperity is ours Yes, in the spirit. Don't let the devil trick you-God wants our faith to grow Before our bank account.

"Put first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you." Keep walking, sit down and rest for a moment if you need to but, Do Not stop... Keep Pushing!! As for me, I am R.I.C.H. like never ever before!!! Ready. Inspiring others. Changed. Humble. 7.8.12
God's love & peace to you. ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net

Sit or Push

So I'm currently trying to determine if God wants me to Sit Down or Push Through.

Sit/Push: My computer has died /But I then retrieved the data by converting the internal drive to a portable one.

Push/Sit: Went to library to send blog I wrote to the organization I'm contracted with /But as of right now I am denied access to my files on other computers because my laptop had a password.
Sit: Today I left therapy hurting because recently on top of my two bulging disks in my neck & carpal tunnel syndrome, last week I was additionally diagnosed with bursitis and tedonisis in my rotator cuff in one tendon and mildly in 2 others.

Push: Next I started working on my wedding poem and started to leave to go to an open mic. Sit: The cafe venue for the open mic was closed due to rain issues. I went home to find I won 2 one-yr subscriptions to Cranbrook Music Guild, the first show is not til Oct. However, I also received a cd of the Oct performer---- over 60 min of Bach Goldberg interpretations on piano by Simone Dinnerstein > Sit.....Sit....Sit... For tonight I'll just meditate and rehearse my wedding piece.

Tomorrow is a holiday, but be sure to tune back in Thursday when I find out if my check came from my job so I can pay rent & put a laptop on layaway. There will also be the update on the computer files retrieval shenanigans and if I will have to write a brand new blog.

Reality: These.are.the days.of.my.life. I'm still not sure if I should- Sit OR Push- for now I'm sitting because my shoulder just hurts too much to push. Transparently I write.
God's love & peace to you. ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net

Excel Above Mediocre: Playing The Bad Guy Sometimes

My child played last night until light became dusk... Today, he is reading and logging the time spent. Interesting fact: us women as single parents that want to prepare our children to excel above mediocre have to be strong disciplinarians and require some things our kids resent. They resent it especially when they go to other homes and it is not done there and all they do is watch "stuff" on tv and play.

My son is not trippin' currently and this quiet time with the tv off is going to teach him there is a time for everything, how to focus, and how to relax. All these are life lessons necessary for truly healthy development. Once they stop to focus and also begin to get used to the fact that summer is not just for playing, they will begin to realize they are actually enjoy learning.

For us single parents we will likely not see our greatest reward until many years from now because kids are kids and tend to rebel somewhat when they are made to "work". When they become mature that is when they will look back and appreciate sooo much the time we took to nurture them educationally, spiritually, mentally and not just physically. This includes teaching them that fast food, artificial sugar, and sugar is not their "friends" and never will be.

Single mothers will often be looked at as mean and unfair by our children simply because we put our foot down when others don't. I say to you stand your ground, don't worry, because One Day your children will understand and appreciate even more all the times your put their Best interest First. I understand and I applaud you. Be Encouraged. I know I am, for I encourage myself. 6.22.12
~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net