Stinking Thinking: Survival of The Fittest

Those of you whom have been hurt a lot or deeply and have not yet fully healed be careful....If you develop a mechanism of defense from being hurt called survival your actions can be destructive and detrimental to your relationships. Once you become so consumed with survival it changes the way you love and give. It turns your mindset into one of what can I get from others...and what do I need to survive....it becomes a self-centered type of mindset. You may even be a caring person and loving person the best you know how. It develops an alter ego or an unbalanced mind. 

You want to be free and give and love freely BUT you are so used to being hurt and can't let go of thoughts of being hurt that you in turn sabotage relationships without even knowing. You can never give 100% because unconsciously your self-preservation mode does not allow you to....you must first look out for yourself. So you might even give tangibly but emotionally and other ways you do not give fully. You are deceiving yourself and others. Others see your core and love you for it....but yet they are at times confused because you at times contradict yourself through subtle actions and others just can't figure it out. It's almost like dealing with not two different people because it's not that extreme but yet maybe like dealing with twins who are not exactly the same. Confusing huh??? Yep even for yourself.

Well I encourage you if you have ever had to be in survival mode or if you have ever been hurt bad before check yourself....take inventory of where your mind, heart, and spirit is currently. Unless you surrender to it and let it go you will never be healed and you will always be fragmented into two parts. Stop reliving the past through your own choice. 

Trust God! Forgive and LET GO....be wise but trust your heart to love again and to FULLY love freely without regrets. I pray those who need to read this do. It is unedited straight from my heart.

God's Peace & Love to you. ~Beautiful Thought www.mybeautifulthoughts.com

I Am Encouraged

It's the end of August and I am so encouraged!!!! I have a lot to say so read....or don't.... This weekend despite difficulties and having to press IT was so encouraging!!! I ministered at Soundsof Imani's Anointed Gospel Coffee House with Paul Dean and friends. He and Clarissa stuck by me to help me press and it feels like commitment and dedication and perseverance....it feels like....love. I AM Blessed!

Sunday I had an awesome word as always from my pastor Mark Thompson and as a bonus saw a friend in Christ and in spirit JoVonna who is always full of positive energy. That evening I did a short impromptu piece at Darnell Kendricks' Smooth Soul Cafe Maccabees about the blessings & love of music & friends perfect for such a time as the soulful one he Always creates. Stay tuned for info about the next one Sept. 28 I plan to be on the mic even more. ;-) His event lifted my spirit through the love that permeates wherever HE IS and the spirits he attracts as a result.

Plus I caught up with my best friend Neva which is a blessing in itself. To top it off I had an agent from Affiliate Modeling agency (who happened to be in a mtg at the restaurant about a fashion magazine he is launching) tell me excitedly that he wants to work with me as a model.

Finally, this morning I watched The Peaceful Poetic Place 2nd Anniversary on dvd...the room was packed & both artists and the audience was on fire!!! I heard the words both Theo & Yahminah said that night...I heard very clearly today the words that were meant for me. One of the things Theo said was that "we" The P3 would not be there long & 2 months later here we are in search of a new venue. THAT means it is time to MOVE and GROW. It is time for me to move & grow. I'm open to all GOD has for me I will not let my circumstances that are merely temporarily (I claim) stand in my way.

God's love & peace to you ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.com

Take The Limits Off

I remember when I used to work with the homeless. I had a coworker with quite a few children and her husband was often out of the home. He was an addict that would relapse from time to time but she still held it together. The strength of a woman…this dedicated mother would often get calls and even have to leave work because her daughter would have seizures. I remember her saying that her daughter would sleep in class afterwards. I remember thinking maybe smells or chemicals in the school were triggering this young girl to have these episodes. I realize now I labeled them “episodes” as I would think to myself. I’m not sure why, that was just the language that formed…I call mine spells. That is simply because I knew something was coming over me at times. I just wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I soon realized it was more then staring spells, being tired, or simple headaches. It was different.

I never imagined I would one day be familiar with what seemed so uncommon. It’s only been 2 weeks since the terms were injected into my life, through the mail as a denied medical bill, figure that. In all actuality, I have been experiencing these experiences for over half a year now. Since they are merely just words on paper, that same night I learned of the actual diagnosis, I quickly shook my fear of the 29 black letters on white that really didn't seem to fit into my life. Generalized, Convulsive, Epilepsy unknown to me those labels had been applied 41/2 months prior...to my knowledge.

I realize that I am different…not sure I will ever be the same, though even before I was labeled different. I accepted the idea of that title like a badge of honor. Now, I am trying to be ok with this different different. My skin is the same. My thoughts and desires are the same. My brain has just begun to get electrical signals crossed at times. Yet I look the same. You can not see the health of my brain…shoot I can’t either. I just experience the overload. You may be able to look into my eyes and see my desire to travel the world, lead souls to Christ, inspire nations, uplift our men, and empower our women through words. You can see dreams and visions manifested to real life but you can not see my silent limitations. You often can not see the barriers others face either so remove the assumptions. Everyone is dealing with something even if, it is only in their mind.

I say limitations loosely, because I claim that no title “on my brain” will stop me from fulfilling God’s will of me or for me. I claim in His name that all He has planned will happen fully. I will just go at a slower pace. I claim that I am free. Even in my home with no one to drive me somewhere I am free. I can think and I can breathe. I am free. I am free to whisper poetry to the wind. I don’t need bright lights or man-made stages I have the world’s stage under me. I am free. I can rest and slow down whenever I need to. I realize now that no one told me life was meant to be a race always running from place to place. I know who my son is. We are not strangers passing each other in hallways during the night. We are not travelers eating in separate rooms at the same time. We are not mother and son missing each other while together. I am free from time now. It no longer owns me. I control it and I wait. I wait for God to direct me and during silence I hear from Him clearly.

God’s plans are divine and every fault, every mistake, every wrong step can and will be used for you…to bring you into submission to His plans and acknowledge HE IS GOD. To breathe that truth daily gives me the courage to relax (not try to fight my own battles) and focus on wellness. The world needs each piece of me, yet I am not to be reduced to my parts. I am whole, the sum of these parts. Even if it comes in segments or sections I declare that I am still whole. I must get that before I can give “it” to you.

Let’s ALL slow down. Let’s remember the world will always be spinning. If we want to appreciate the beauty we have to be still to see it. Let’s not judge others based on what you think you see. Let’s not put people in a box and call them ours. We are not toys on a shelf with directions. We each bring something unique. Let’s liberate the nations and allow them to operate within their limitations. Let’s free them to be who they are, not the figment of your perception. You do not know what internal limitations people are dealing with. You do not fully know the journey they have been on, nor do you know where they are going. Let’s give them freedom to move about as they wish at the pace they believe necessary. We will instead encourage, inspire, uplift, empower everyone to move forward No Matter What is going on internally in their mind or body. Yet know that all you can do is that. You can not force others to go the route you paved or lead…that in itself is limiting. Until you can get inside someone’s head you will never understand many of the choices that others make…and that…is alright. You are ok and they are ok and that is ok. Just continue to believe God for His promises in not just your life, but others as well. Relax and Release. Pray for me as I pray for you too…Be Free.

God’s LOVE & PEACE to you. 8.18.13 ~Beautiful Thought 

I Too Have Been A Dead Beat..You?

Today was "a day"... I can't describe it any other way... until I just describe it. Some things may seem random but believe me they are interconnected. Never be so set in your plans, that YOU made for the day that you forget to let God have His way each of those days. Follow me...
I went to the WOW Jam in Detroit and ran into my god-daughter and her mother and friends. I was so pleased to see them, considering since my son was born I have not spent much time with my god-daughter, though I would take her in a heartbeat if need be. I also have not talked to her mother, who is like my little sister, since her younger sister passed away in March. That event ws something that brought us all closer together especialy during that period of time. I was able to be there for them and their family during a very hard time. (Spoken word piece dedicated to fallen soldier Britney Meux http://soundcloud.com/beautifulthought/savannahs-song-natasha-anee )
However, this blog is not about how I have been there....it is about how I Have Not been.
So back to the WOW Jam... It was a phenomenal experience to see a mass group of people assembled to receive free food, hair cuts, groceries, bikes, toys, and other prizes. This is not because they were just simply there but because they were so unexpected and unaware. They were unaware that this day they would be baptized and move towards living their life for Christ. People were moved to dedicate their babies lives to the Lord and have them prayed for. My little sis had her unborn baby prayed for and my god-daughter's friend and sister were both baptized today. Swimming pools were provided at the park to be sure, that if tomorrow did not come, they did everything they could to allow people to "come as they are" and be saved. People are hurting and looking for a way to comfort their pain.

This group from California came all the way to Detroit to bless this city, and though they had support of a Detroit base, it still had me thinking... we have to do better to reach out to those in our own city, our own family, and those that we often ignore in order to make more time to reach outside our circle. This now brings me to one of my main points. I planned to be at WOW Jam at the start and then leave early enough to spend long overdue time with one of my best friends. It did not happen that way. At 4:50am I received a call from my brother saying his wife was going into labor and he needed me to meet him at the hospital to care for my 1 yr old nephew. My son and I came and after some time went: false alarm. I had just gotten to sleep about 4 am so back at home I finally was able to get back to sleep. See how things don't go as planned. We have to be ready for anything and move when God says move.

I got to the WOW Jam late but long story short...while there I was presented a chance to minister to my "little sis" about our need as parents to react in love when we discipline our kids. I could have left knowing my friend was waiting for me but I felt in my spirit I needed to stay and intercede and minister in love. The only problem was I felt torn that my friend would be upset because it was now late and we rarely talk and spend time even less then that. We had arranged this day as a time to catch up.

But God....I praise Him for true friends that have overlooked my faults and accepted me as "that's who I am". That does not mean they don't allow me room to grow but they don't love me less if I don't. I have never been one to keep in touch with friends well and since becoming very active in producing my poetry show I have been worse. This now brings me to clairfy my main point. If I had been keeping in touch regularly I would have felt confident to call my friend and tell her what was going on instead of fearful she was going to be upset I still was not there yet.

It has been hard to summarize my revelations today but I can honestly say, though I truly Have Been very busy in my life I will Always be busy. The main point involves the fact that over some years I have, plain and simple, neglected some of my closest friends. I have been a dead beat friend and it is no different then a dead beat dad, neglecting important relationships.

I apologize for not strategizing my time or disciplining myself enough in the past in order to feed my friendships. I encourage everyone to feed their friendships so they can grow. They are the ones that will be there when the ministries, jobs, fake people, and children either end or leave. I am guilty of being a dead beat friend. I promise to do better. I pray you do too. 7.21.13
God's love & peace to you. ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net

Two Keys To Happiness: Set yourself free

I want to scream from the highest mountain with the loudest microphone that you are important and special, beautiful and loved!!!! Silence the noise!!! It does not MATTER what they told you as a child as a teen as an adult silence the noise, the negative voices in your head. Replace those ghosts and demons with the words of God. Each of YOU has a special place, importance, role, assignment on this earth. You will find it and you will find joy once you believe what God has said about you. The same way you believed that you would amount to nothing cause they told you that, believe that God made you SOMETHING because He said THAT. Wake Up and Realize that in reality there is no invisible fence holding you back and keeping you from happiness. It is YOU! The people in your past are not holding you back...your past that you keep in your present is holding you in the past and those people have passed and already moved on. So get passed IT! Take on a new attitude and move on...

What if you were to wake up and realize that both your happiness and depression were based on basically two overall very simple things: the way you think and whether you follow God's will. There you have it > keys to happiness for FREE. Follow God and have faith and stop defeating yourself before you try because of your powerless attitude. Each person has POWER within them. How do I know that?? It's because God gave us free will. He gave us the ability to choose or not choose to believe the negative things people say...the ability to speak life into people and ourselves. So stop doubting the greatest in you. Tell yourself who you want to be as if you ALREADY are! God never gave up on you even when you did and do.

I need every person who has ever felt unloved, who feels unloved, who has been mistreated, abused, given up on, betrayed, hurtfully accused or rejected to STOP right now and repeat after me. "My past experiences do not define WHO I am...only who I have been with. My past experiences don't define WHERE I am going....only where I have been. My past experiences simply make me stronger and it's not the pain but the WISDOM that I will keep. I choose to be free." Look in the mirror and say this this several times every day until you believe and internalize it as truth. Speak LIFE into you; replace noise with peace. God's love & peace to you ~Beautiful Thought
www.mybeautifulthoughts.net

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson