I remember when I used to work with the homeless. I had a coworker with quite a few children and her husband was often out of the home. He was an addict that would relapse from time to time but she still held it together. The strength of a woman…this dedicated mother would often get calls and even have to leave work because her daughter would have seizures. I remember her saying that her daughter would sleep in class afterwards. I remember thinking maybe smells or chemicals in the school were triggering this young girl to have these episodes. I realize now I labeled them “episodes” as I would think to myself. I’m not sure why, that was just the language that formed…I call mine spells. That is simply because I knew something was coming over me at times. I just wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I soon realized it was more then staring spells, being tired, or simple headaches. It was different.
I never imagined I would one day be familiar with what seemed so uncommon. It’s only been 2 weeks since the terms were injected into my life, through the mail as a denied medical bill, figure that. In all actuality, I have been experiencing these experiences for over half a year now. Since they are merely just words on paper, that same night I learned of the actual diagnosis, I quickly shook my fear of the 29 black letters on white that really didn't seem to fit into my life. Generalized, Convulsive, Epilepsy unknown to me those labels had been applied 41/2 months prior...to my knowledge.
I realize that I am different…not sure I will ever be the same, though even before I was labeled different. I accepted the idea of that title like a badge of honor. Now, I am trying to be ok with this different different. My skin is the same. My thoughts and desires are the same. My brain has just begun to get electrical signals crossed at times. Yet I look the same. You can not see the health of my brain…shoot I can’t either. I just experience the overload. You may be able to look into my eyes and see my desire to travel the world, lead souls to Christ, inspire nations, uplift our men, and empower our women through words. You can see dreams and visions manifested to real life but you can not see my silent limitations. You often can not see the barriers others face either so remove the assumptions. Everyone is dealing with something even if, it is only in their mind.
I say limitations loosely, because I claim that no title “on my brain” will stop me from fulfilling God’s will of me or for me. I claim in His name that all He has planned will happen fully. I will just go at a slower pace. I claim that I am free. Even in my home with no one to drive me somewhere I am free. I can think and I can breathe. I am free. I am free to whisper poetry to the wind. I don’t need bright lights or man-made stages I have the world’s stage under me. I am free. I can rest and slow down whenever I need to. I realize now that no one told me life was meant to be a race always running from place to place. I know who my son is. We are not strangers passing each other in hallways during the night. We are not travelers eating in separate rooms at the same time. We are not mother and son missing each other while together. I am free from time now. It no longer owns me. I control it and I wait. I wait for God to direct me and during silence I hear from Him clearly.
God’s plans are divine and every fault, every mistake, every wrong step can and will be used for you…to bring you into submission to His plans and acknowledge HE IS GOD. To breathe that truth daily gives me the courage to relax (not try to fight my own battles) and focus on wellness. The world needs each piece of me, yet I am not to be reduced to my parts. I am whole, the sum of these parts. Even if it comes in segments or sections I declare that I am still whole. I must get that before I can give “it” to you.
Let’s ALL slow down. Let’s remember the world will always be spinning. If we want to appreciate the beauty we have to be still to see it. Let’s not judge others based on what you think you see. Let’s not put people in a box and call them ours. We are not toys on a shelf with directions. We each bring something unique. Let’s liberate the nations and allow them to operate within their limitations. Let’s free them to be who they are, not the figment of your perception. You do not know what internal limitations people are dealing with. You do not fully know the journey they have been on, nor do you know where they are going. Let’s give them freedom to move about as they wish at the pace they believe necessary. We will instead encourage, inspire, uplift, empower everyone to move forward No Matter What is going on internally in their mind or body. Yet know that all you can do is that. You can not force others to go the route you paved or lead…that in itself is limiting. Until you can get inside someone’s head you will never understand many of the choices that others make…and that…is alright. You are ok and they are ok and that is ok. Just continue to believe God for His promises in not just your life, but others as well. Relax and Release. Pray for me as I pray for you too…Be Free.
God’s LOVE & PEACE to you. 8.18.13 ~Beautiful Thought
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